I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
