I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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