im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize