Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
only if we run a train.
done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
