so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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