Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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