I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
