I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
