we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
