it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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