Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
