Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
