My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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