Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
