The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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