We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
