so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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