I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
