do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
