Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i've created a new STD.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
