I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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