Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
