why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
