the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
