im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
