That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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