I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He better not be in your backpack
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
