please come you make the beer taste better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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