i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.