I will die if light touches me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.