At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?