she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
