Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
