actually, I'm a sock model
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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