It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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