he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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