he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
