i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
