So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
