the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
