i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
