I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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