she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
