And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
