you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
