Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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