so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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