My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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