Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
