Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The best revenge is premature balding
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
