i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
