i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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