textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
