So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
