Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
where are you?
Hypothermia
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
