This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
