I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize