Will you blow on my dice?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she told me i tasted like america
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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