giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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