I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
