i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
