I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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