Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
