im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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