I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
