I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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