I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
