I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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