Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
