i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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