I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just invented taco cereal.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
