Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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