I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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